Navigating Thanksgiving Dinner With a Picky Eater

(Rockville, MD) If there’s one thing that can strike fear in the parent of a so-called picky eater, it’s Thanksgiving dinner. But it doesn’t have to be that way, according to experts with the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA).

“Thanksgiving dinner can be particularly challenging for several reasons,” explains Tena McNamara, AuD, CCC-A/SLP, 2024 ASHA President. “There likely will be food at the table that the child is unfamiliar with or uncomfortable eating. They may be eating in a different place at a different time than they typically do, and with different people. However, there are ways that parents and caregivers can make the holiday dinner less stressful and more joyful for their child and themselves.”

Picky Eating or Pediatric Feeding Disorder?

Many parents in the United States—from roughly one quarter to more than one half—report that their children are picky eaters, particularly those who are toddler-aged. For many young children, selective eating is a temporary phase and a way to assert their budding independence. However, ASHA stresses that not all feeding difficulties are the result of a child simply being stubborn. Feeding problems may also be caused by a medical condition (like problems digesting food) or a developmental delay or disorder, including a pediatric feeding disorder.

If you have concerns about your child’s eating, ASHA recommends reviewing its feeding and swallowing developmental milestones. If your child isn’t demonstrating multiple skills at the specified ages, or if you still have questions, talk to their pediatrician and contact a certified speech-language pathologist (SLP) who specializes in pediatric feeding disorder. SLPs can evaluate the child and provide needed services.

Tips for a Successful Thanksgiving Meal

Whether a child is simply picky or has a diagnosed disorder, McNamara advises that families keep the intent of Thanksgiving dinner at the forefront.

“Holiday dishes often represent treasured memories and traditions,” acknowledges McNamara. “It’s likely that someone put a lot of time and effort into preparing them, so when a child rejects those foods, this rejection can be viewed as offensive or hurtful. Keep in mind that children may be too young to appreciate what these foods represent, and sometimes their reactions to new foods are out of their control. In the end, Thanksgiving is about togetherness.”

ASHA offers some tips for parents and caregivers of challenging eaters below.

Before the Meal

• Prepare your child. Talk about what foods will be served, who will be at the meal, and how this might be different from a typical dinner. Make a plan for what they can do if they don’t like the look, smell, or taste of something being served.
• Talk to your loved ones. Prior to the meal, let family members know how you handle your child’s eating. Reassure them that you are on top of the situation and that you appreciate their respect for your choices—even if they don’t agree.
• Redefine success. Success might mean your child sitting at the table with the family, even if they don’t eat anything. Think about what’s realistic and what’s most important about this gathering. Will eating one bite of a green bean casserole make a difference? Resist the urge—however tempting it might be—to compare your child to their cousin who loads up their plate with a helping of everything. Even two siblings who are being raised in the same house can have vastly different eating habits.
• Let kids help with cooking. This is a perfect opportunity to introduce kids to new textures and smells. By getting involved in the preparation, they may be less overwhelmed by unfamiliar foods. It’s also more fun to eat food you prepared yourself. Kids have a sense of pride in something they helped create.
• Make it fun. Help kids get excited for the meal by making festive placemats, placecards, or a centerpiece. Ask them to help you fold napkins or set the table.

During the Meal

• Serve at least one “safe” food for your child. Although kids should be given a chance to eat what everyone else is having, it’s okay to provide foods that they’re comfortable with if that helps them feel less overwhelmed. Prepare one dish that you know they will eat. Put it on the table or at the buffet with the other dishes.
• Offer new foods, but don’t push. If you think your child may like a particular dish, ask them if they want to try it. If they say no, drop it: It’s not worth the struggle, especially in the presence of others, and the back-and-forth will probably just result in frustration for you and your child.
• Don’t make your child’s eating a topic of conversation. You don’t need to explain to everyone what your child does or doesn’t eat. The more you draw attention to it, the more your child may dig in or define themselves as “picky” or “difficult.” Politely shut down commentary from family members (e.g., “Thanks for your concern, but we encourage Lily to listen to her body when she’s eating”).
• Be sensitive to your child’s needs. Staying at the table with the family is obviously ideal, but if it’s an overwhelming sensory environment or there are other considerations, that’s okay. Let them color or do another activity that doesn’t disrupt the meal for others.

After the Meal

• Praise your child. Did they try a new food? Sit at the table? Participate in conversation? Help a younger sibling or cousin? Look for things that they did well rather than focusing on negatives.
• Build on any progress. If your child did try something new and they liked it, serve it again at home—with the same low-pressure approach. Understand that they may have been motivated in the presence of other people, but when you get home and your child is not around those other people, you may not see the same success with that food.
• Congratulate yourself. Having a child who is a challenging eater can be stressful. You know what a struggle it can be to get through these meals! Those who haven’t dealt with feeding challenges won’t necessarily understand.

Visit ASHA’s website to learn more about feeding and swallowing problems in children—and to find a speech-language pathologist in your area who can help.

About the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA)
ASHA is the national professional, scientific, and credentialing association for 234,000 members and affiliates who are audiologists; speech-language pathologists; speech, language, and hearing scientists; audiology and speech-language pathology assistants; and students. Audiologists specialize in preventing and assessing hearing and balance disorders as well as providing audiologic treatment, including hearing aids. Speech-language pathologists (SLPs) identify, assess, and treat speech, language, and swallowing disorders.